Your Spouse Knows if You’re Growing Spiritually

What do we think of when we think of growing spiritually? We probably think of all kinds of religious activity–a lot of which is indeed very important to spiritual growth. You can’t grow spiritually without spending time in the word and in communicating with God. You need that daily. But your spirituality is not measured by how many chapters a day you read, how much time you spend in prayer, how many Bible studies you go to, and so on.

Those things are fuel in your tank, but they are not the measure of growth. Paul gives us a list of evidence that growth is happening in members of our families and community:

¹⁸ Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. ¹⁹ Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. ²⁰ Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. ²¹ Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. ²² Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to curry their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. ²³ Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, ²⁴ since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. ²⁵ Anyone who does wrong will be repaid for their wrongs, and there is no favoritism. ¹ Masters, provide your slaves with what is right and fair, because you know that you also have a Master in heaven.  Colossians 3:18–4:1 (NIV)

Wives: Submit.

Let’s start where Paul starts the list: “Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” (v.18) 

Yes, I believe that this is exactly what this means. This should not be controversial! There must be submission in a marriage, and I would say mutual submission in a marriage, for it to work, right?  Paul elsewhere calls for wives to follow their husband’s lead, and his justification for that goes back to Genesis, to a biblical basis, whether related to the fall or to the order of creation before the fall. It’s not a matter of superiority and inferiority. It’s a matter of roles.

We also have to keep in mind what Jesus teaches about leadership. It’s a servant position, whether in a church or in a family. Still, the Bible asserts a leadership role for husbands. I know that really complicates the issue for today’s culture; it leans somewhat toward the idea that God expects men to be spiritual leaders in their households. But you can’t leave it there, with wives submitted to their husbands and no further discussion. No, we can’t do that, because that’s exactly what some parts of the church has done for centuries. We make a huge mistake when we think the most important aspect of a Christian household is that the woman submits to the man and that’s that.  

As is Fitting in The Lord

Let’s also take a look at the last part of Paul’s instructions to wives: “as is fitting in the Lord.” That could mean two different things: it’s fitting for wives to submit. It could also just as well mean, “submit only insofar as is fitting in the Lord.” Not everything a man tells you to do in submission to him is fitting. It’s very possible that Paul meant it both ways. No one should ever expect a wife to submit to something that is contrary to the will of God. There are still prominent pastors today, and if I named some of them you’d recognize the names, that believe a wife should submit to abuse in the home for the sake of the marriage. I’m certain that’s not what Paul has in mind when he says, “as is fitting in the Lord.” That’s not fitting. I have a suggestion: Every couple should let the man lead, and then let the woman determine what is fitting in the Lord. I’ll let you figure out how to make that work in your marriage.

In heaven, there were two huge signs. The first read, “Men Who Did What Their Wives Told Them to Do.” Under this sign, the line of men stretched as far as the eye could see. The second sign stated, “Men Who Did What They Wanted to Do.” Only one man stood under that sign. Intrigued, St. Peter said to the lone man, “No one has ever stood under this sign. Tell me about yourself” The man shrugged and said, “My wife told me to stand here.” 

The Meaning of Submission

Three things that define the kind of submission outlined here: 

1. As is fitting in the Lord 

2. Leaders are not to lord it over the people they lead, but to serve as Jesus set the example for us 

3. In Christ, there is neither male nor female:  

²⁸ There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.  Galatians 3:28 (NIV)

Similarly, in Colossians 3:  

¹¹ Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.  Colossians 3:11 (NIV)

Paul basically says in this passage: “If you want to know how a man or woman is growing spiritually, just ask their family.”

Hear the rest of this message on the podcast at https://edcrenshaw.com/podcast/