God’s Anger Management Class: Head Trash Series

Do you have head trash?

Head Trash is what Zig Ziglar called “stinkinʻ thinkinʻ.” Head trash represents ways of thinking that sabotage our lives: wrong ways of thinking about ourselves, wrong ways of thinking about our world, and, most important, wrong ways of thinking about God. Common head trash includes such thoughts as, “Iʻm worthless,” “Iʻll never amount to anything,” “Iʻm hopeless,” “God is against me,” “God doesn’t really love me.”

Can your emotions be head trash?

Emotions that are out of control can be another source of head trash. Emotions are out of control when we allow them to control us. Out-of-control emotions can really mess up our lives, making us vulnerable to pain or calamity that God doesn’t intend for us. As it says in Proverbs 25:28, “Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.”

Misguided, unmanaged emotions can sabotage our lives. Grief, for example, is a natural emotion that we canʻt avoid when we experience a significant loss. It becomes head trash, however, when grief takes over our lives beyond what is normal. Another emotion that is normal but has the potential to do tremendous damage: ANGER.

Anger can cost us.

Moses lost access to the Promised Land because of his uncontrolled anger. (See Numbers 20:1-13.) Although Moses had been angry in the past, this one moment of anger at the people cost him everything he had been living for–to lead Israel into the land God had promised.  I can relate to this loss on a much lower level. When I was working with one of my best friends at my family’s TV and electronics shop, a customer asked a question to which I didn’t know the answer.  I turned and asked my friend and his response was “I don’t know, pizza breath.” I was so embarrassed that my response was anger. After the customer was gone, I went off on my friend. And that was the end of that friendship. In one explosive moment, a years-long friendship was lost forever. Your anger can cost you, too, if you let it control you.

You ARE normal.

We have and express emotions because we’re human. Emotions, including anger, are normal. We see the full expressions of human emotions in Scripture, especially the Psalms. We’re not wrong because we have them. God himself has emotions. Jesus had emotions, for sure. We see Jesus’ anger when he drove the money changers and sellers from the Temple. Someone told me, “That was Jesus’ human side coming out.” I would suggest that maybe that was Jesus’ God side coming out! Actually, I’m sure it was both human and divine, not either/or.

Some things should make us angry.

When other people are harmed, mistreated, or abused, there is cause for anger. Tim Keller says you can’t be loving without some anger. You want to really make me mad? Then mess with my family. If you want to make a parent angry, just threaten our children with harm. We get angry if they are hurt or mistreated because we love them. If we love people, their abuse makes us angry. Injustices in this world should indeed make us angry. But, we can never let our anger get the upper hand. Even in the case of protecting our children, not every possible expression of anger is OK. Our child may be hurt by being wrongly benched by their coach, but we don’t get to attack the coach!

Legitimate anger expressed appropriately is loving. Legitimate anger expressed inappropriately adds more evil to an evil situation. Psalm 37:8 says, “Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. For those who are evil will be destroyed, but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land.” The context of that verse is that David is upset about evil people seemingly getting away with their wickedness. David is upset about injustice in society. Out-of-bounds wrath, however, will only increase the evil of an already evil situation.

Most of our anger is harmful.

We Christians often excuse our anger by calling it “righteous.” Most of what we see in our own lives, and in our public shouting matches on social media, is not righteous anger. It may have started out that way, but most of it goes far beyond anything that can claim to look like Godʻs anger at sin and unrighteousness. Such anger does not do us or anyone else much good, if any. James tells us, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires” (James 1:19-20).  Silence can be a form of complicity with evil. Being too quick to speak is often a form of complicity with evil, too.

Slow down.

We cause lots of harm to others and to ourselves when we are quick to speak and quick to anger. We think we will feel good when we vent our anger, but the opposite is true. Dr. Paul Meier, a psychiatrist and best selling author, says that “anger is probably responsible for 95 percent of psychological depressions.” Do you ever feel weighed down by guilt after letting anger get the best of you? That’s because anger makes us subject to judgement. The words that come out of our mouths, or through our social media, lead us terribly close to the fires of hell itself.

You will be subject to judgement.

Jesus put it this way:

But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister^, will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.  Matthew 5:22

I was in a courtroom in support of a friend who was in some trouble. The judge was handling several cases in a row. In one case, he sentenced a young man to anger management classes. Then the judge said this, “If you don’t get this under control, you’ll be back here in front of me and you need to remember one thing: I haven’t been to anger management class.” I think that warning was a good reason for the young man not to come before that judge again. Fortunately, our judge (that is, God) doesn’t need anger management class. He is perfect in his judgment. But he does judge our anger, we certainly want to avoid his judgment. After all, his standards are pretty high.

From where does anger come?

First, hurtful anger often comes because we’re self-centered. Something stands between us and what we want, so we get angry. I don’t think we need to spend a lot of time on that, because it’s so obvious. It’s other kinds of anger that I have a hard time with.

Surprise!

Anger is often considered a secondary emotion. Behind our anger is perhaps shame, grief, fear, hurt. I think men especially are conditioned not to be hurt emotionally; that’s not masculine. We can, however, be angry and still be masculine—so instead of being honest about our pain, we just get angry at the people around us. I know I have denied myself opportunities to grieve. I’ve felt that grieving, or being hurt, over things done against me is an indication that I haven’t forgiven, or that I’m not overlooking like I really should. So I grieve on the inside, but it comes out as anger.

There is hope. God has a solution. God’s anger management class.

In Ephesians, Paul gives us some powerful teaching on managing our anger. Even if anger is a secondary emotion, we must deal with it directly once it gets a foothold in our lives.

“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,  and do not give the devil a foothold. Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:26–32.

With God, you can do this.

The above passage gives us some powerful steps to overcoming the head trash of out-of-control anger. Let’s break them down.

1. Do not sin in anger

2. Deal with anger quickly.

3. Realize that if you don’t deal with your anger, you are giving the devil too much control. It’s not just an emotional issue; this becomes a real spiritual issue. 

4. Stay busy with what you’re supposed to be doing; do good.

5. Watch your mouth; choose to build up with your words. 

6. Do not grieve the Holy Spirit: We don’t grieve the Holy Spirit by how we treat God as much as we grieve him by how we treat other people. You have the help of the Holy Spirit, too. You are sealed with him. He’s not leaving you

7. Get rid of anger.  Donʻt repress it. Donʻt express it. Get rid of it! 

8. Choose kindness, compassion, forgiveness. You’re not just getting rid of anger by suppressing it; you are replacing anger altogether. Be intentional about these things.

9. Start living to bless others.

So, the next time you’re tempted to respond in anger, take time to think about it. Be slow to anger.  Be slow to speak and give expression to anger. Then consider how you might replace your anger with something good–something that will express God’s kindness, compassion, and forgiveness. Work to fulfill God’s call on your life to be an agent of healing, to be someone who builds others up. You will be on your way to an amazing victory over anger in your life.

Photo by Nik Shuliahin on Unsplash.